Peep Jousting! Because it's all fun and games when someone loses an eye!

Recycled, reused, whatever

I came to hate parking lots.
Row upon row of cars and me without keys.
I wove in and out of the junkers and shiny ego trips.
All of them locked up tight.
I thought about the sound of leather and the taste of dashboard dust,
while I examined the soiled soles of my sneakers.
Maybe I could learn to jimmy locks.
Pedestrian poverty making my palms itch, I tapped at windows waiting for alarms or a longshot.
I wished I knew how to hot-wire.
I dreamed of asking for directions at a greasy little gas station.
Then driving a random path and reaching my destination anyway.
All I could feel was the echo of engines.
The sound of their cooling like the ticking of clocks.
The temptation to lie in the middle of the road can be overwhelming when you have such a long way to travel.
I sat on a curb considering the weight of my shoes.

Random advice and musings from nobody you know.

Don't breed unless you mean it.
Unless it involves your hair, mom probably does know best.
Spend the money. Get the good shoes.
Never tell anyone their ass looks fat.
The only way to guarantee you won't say something stupid is to keep your mouth shut.
Pity your spouse. They married you didn't they?
Perform one utterly random act per day.
Entropy is not a force of destruction but of change.
People make really bad pets.
It's harder to free a bank pen from its leash than you might think.
Male pattern baldness is due, in large part, to excessive testosterone levels: You're more man than even you can handle.
Never argue with a naked person.
After all those years of being told to clean my plate, now I'm supposed to feel guilty about it?
I wasn't ashamed of loving Godzilla when I was seven. I'm not gonna start now.
Success means only eating Ramen noodles because you want to.
I am endlessly thankful I did not marry my first kiss.
Never miss the opportunity to take a nap.
If you're going to put someone on a pedestal make sure it's near running water.
Try the special.
I ain't dead yet.

As a child I was viciously mauled by a racoon.
It's true.
I wouldn't lie about something like that.
Honest.