I'll admit it. I do the occasional online quiz.
Here's my contribution to the ever expanding world of personal discovery and public revelations:

1. If stranded at sea who would you push out of the lifeboat first:
a. Your mother
b. A sibling
c. A signifigant other
d. Carl Sagan

2. Which playing card best represents your personality?

3. When searching for a home do you look for:
a. Good local
b. Low price
c. Human remains

4. If you were to spontaneously combust, what would be the last words you say?

5. When searching for a romantic partner do you prefer that he/she have:
a. Intelligence
b. Humor
c. Financial stability
d. Front teeth

6. Would you give Bill Gates a blow job?

7. Would you give Bill Gates a blow job for free?

8. When confronted by a rabid squirrel do you:
a. Call your local animal control
b. Pay a homeless person $20 to chase it off
c. Break out the family cookbook

9. Who would you rather have as a roommate:
a. A relative
b. A friend
c. Herve Villachez

10. What color would you like the inside of your coffin to be?

11. May I constantly refer to you as "My Fuzzy-Lumpikins"?

12. Have you ever faked a coma to get out of a speeding ticket?

13. When confronted by an armed assailant do you:
a. Hand over your possessions
b. Attempt to overpower him/her
c. Tell him, "Dad, go home and sober up."

14. Your child has been caught cheating at school. Do you:
a. Ground him/her
b. Sit down with him/her and explain the importance of honesty
c. Make him/her swallow $4.39 worth of pennies.

15. If you were composed entirely of Play-Doh, what color would you be?

16. What can you construct using 3 lettuce leaves, 1 postage stamp, and a signed photo of Carol Channing?

17. Who was the better Enterprise Captain:
a. Kirk
b. Picard
c. Martha Stewart

18. Would you willingly breed with Darth Vader?

19. Have you ever eaten cereal?

20. Would you be willing to answer an additional 21st question?

The power of the hyphen

"That is one sweet-ass car!"
VS
"That is one sweet ass-car!"

And you thought high school english was a complete waste of time.
HA!

(I love you pork chop)

Now I get it!

Potty training.
We have made full success of the venture. Mind you, he was a little late in jumping on board. Now the larva is a full fledged member of the human race. All I have left to do is teach him to eat the inside of the Oreo first and how to pick up girls. He'll be on his way to college and out of the nest in no time.

You've read the title and thinking that can't be all.
Well you're right.

I'm a girl...obviously...I hope.
My child is a boy...obviously...I hope.
Girls and boys go to the bathroom differently.
Its true!
When a girl goes to the bathroom it is a moment rife with danger.
In a civilized setting she must take into account many factors.

1. Pre-pee:
Is the toilet seat up?
Was the last person a floater or a sitter?
Is my clothing out of the way? (especially crucial if in a skirt/dress)
Is there toilet paper?

2: Go Pee.

3: Post-pee:
Always wipe from front to back. ("Wha?" say the guys. Trust me. There are a number of uncomfortable medical conditions a gal can suffer if momma failed to instill this little directional gem in her daughter's subconscious.)
Is my dress/skirt tucked into my panty hose?
Is there any TP attached to any portion of my anatomy?

In a (ahem) rural setting you can add a few more unpleasanties to the mix. The most pressing of which is how to balance yourself. Poor balance can lead to unpleasant and damp results.

But for the male of the species, it's a whole different world. Doesn't matter if its civilized or rural...
1. Step up and drop trou.

2. Go Pee.
Make interesting patterns.
Screw aim, life is short.
Make bubbles!
Shoot things.
Bend it for interesting angles (Oh my god! I can't believe you can do that!).
Dance.
Look Mom! No hands!

3. Give it a little shake, pull up you pants (careful of those nasty zipper teeth) and get on with your life.

For the female of the species, going pee is a series of ritualized events necessary to ensure continued good health.
For the male of the species, going pee is a mini party.

This, for me, explains a hell of a lot when it comes to the differences between men and women.